Vampire Knight In A New Light
by Heavenmoonlight
Summary: Everyone in vampire knight has gone crazy. Kaname tells Adio he loves him. Zero being chained to a wall watching? No one cares about Yuki? What is going on with vampire knight!
1. Vampire Knight In A New Light

This is a Vampire Knight story my two friends and I made together one day when bored. Its very random and messed up. This is what happens when you put three crazy minds togethere. It probably won't make to much sense but I thought it was very funny. The characters in this are Aido, Kaname, Zero, the Headmaster, Kain, and Yuki. Sorry for spelling errors. But please Enjoy!

Aido was in his room reading his book. Aido thought reading the book would distract him but it didn't. All day he was thinking about Kaname. He always had a crush on him. He has told Kaname his feelings for him but Kaname has said no to him every time. Maybe today will be different. Kaname out of nowhere ran into Aido's room. Aido looked at Kaname surprised.

"Whats wrong Kaname-sama" asked Aido?

"Aido! I realized I am inlove with you" yelled Kaname!

Zero randomly walked into the room for no real good reason.

Zero said "What the heck is going on here?"

Aido jumped up and down in joy. "Kaname-sama! You have at last accepted my feelings for you!" Aido blushs and smiles. Kaname skips over to Aido.

"Aido...I want you..Right Now!" Kaname chains zero to the wall.

Zero is angry. "Why am I forced to watch this, and why am I not a part of it!"

Aido blushs and starts to unbutton his shirt and thinks finally, Kaname-sama has realized his desire for me! Aido pauses for a moment.

Aido says "But..I'm a virgin." Kaname smirks.

"Not for long sexy" Kaname says smirking evily.

Zero yells "Im not!"

Aido nods and takes his shirt off blushing. "I am ready Kaname-sama!" Kaname looks up and down Aido's chest.

"Aido..oh my gosh you have some sexy packs..wonder how long that "thang" is."

Zero starts crying remembering what the Headmaster did to him.

Aido says "You'll found out soon enough." Aido bats his eye lashs at him. Kaname slowly takes Aido pants off and boxers and looks.

"...there's nothing there...I don't see anything..." says Kaname. Kaname then slowly looks at zero then eyes his pants.

"No! Not again" crys Zero! Out of nowhere the Headmaster walks into the room and sees zero chained to the wall and smirks

"Zero we MUST stop meeting like this" the Headmaster says grinning. Aido blinks. Kaname glares at the Headmaster.

"Hey man! Zero's my boy toy now! Back off" yells kaname. Kaname rushs over to Zero. Zero struggles to break free but can't. Kaname hands go to Zero's pants and he unzips them and tugs them off and his boxers. Kaname gasps at what he sees and Zero is extremely embaressed and mad.

Kaname says "I think I'm in love. Zero Oh my what a big "thang" you have!" Yuki walks into the room and gasps. She sees Aido butt naked, Kaname looking at Zero's Penis, Zero chained to a wall, and the Headmaster just standing there.

Yuki yells "I stand no chance with no one!" Aido looks at Yuki confussed then looks at Kaname. Aido thinks what the heck just happened. The Headmaster goes to Kaname and yells "No! Zero is mine!" Kaname then kicks the Headmaster in the balls. The Headmaster falls to the floor in a crumpled heap. Kaname glares down at the Headmaster and says "I can rip you thing off you then we can see who gets zero."

"But I'm straight shifty eyes" yells Zero. Yuki realizes no one cares about her so she cuts herself then hangs herself. No one notices her still.

"Kaname-sama you said you wanted me and you know you do! Also my "thang" is actually pretty impressive" says Aido. Kaname walks over to Aido, leaving Zero chained to the wall butt naked. Kaname goes on his knees infront of Aido.

"We shall see" says Kaname. Kain runs into the room out of breath. Everyone looks at him.

"Wait Aido stop! You must come with me! You are my boy toy!" yells Kain. Aido shakes his head.

"No Kain. I belong to Kaname-sama and only him" says Aido. The Headmaster gets up and looks sad.

"No one wants me" says the Headmaster tears in his eyes. Kain sighs and looks at the Headmaster.

"Fine...Headmaster come" says Kain. Kaname is still looking for Aido's "thang". Kaname says "I still don't see anything...I might need a microscope". Kaname stands up and picks up Aido (bridal style) and walks out the room kissing his neck. Aido moans alittle and thinks finally the day has come when Kaname-sama will make me his. Zero unchains hisself while Kain and the Headmaster walk out the room hand in hand and shuts the door.

"Someone is going to have sex with me" yelled Zero. Zero looks at yuki and pullsn up her skirt and starts having sex with her dead body.

"It's not working!" Zero gets off of Yuki's body and decides to rip off her cloths. He takes off his and puts her's on him.

"Lets see if Kaname wants me now!"

The end. Told you it was random and made no sense. Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Vampire Knight Give Me Something New

Decided to continue the story of Vampire Knight. I wanted to continue it because it's so funny and maybe I can make this chapter as funny as the last. Going to try and see what happens. I continued basically right off where the last story ended. Warning messed up, weird, makes no sense, but funny. Enjoy!

In Kaname room

"Kaname-sama it hurts" yelled Aido!

"Just alittle longer Aido" said Kaname

Aido pants and says "I can't take it anymore!"

"Yes you can!" You see Kaname putting on a maid outfit on Aido and Aido yells in pain.

"Come on, just have to get your arm in this hole" Kaname says calmly. Kaname gets Aido arm in the arm hole finally. Kaname shakes his head.

"Aido...Your a fatty. This made outfit was perfect size for you, but your fat butt couldn't get this outfit on you. You need to loss some this weight...but keep this fat in your butt. You got a nice Tushy." Aido looks down and blushs looking embaressed.

"I am sorry Kaname-sama...before you said you loved me...I was always sitting on the couch watching Soup Oprea's eating cupcakes. I was always...picturing you and I being Romeo and Juliet."

"Well I am gonna be Romeo. Romeo got a penis. I got a penis. Perfect match. Aido couldn't find where your..."thang" is...so that makes you a girl." Aido eyes widden in shock. Aido thinks what? Why can't he see my amazing "thang". Maybe he can't see it because its not hard.

"Just you wait Kaname-sama. Wait till you see me hard. Then you will see it. It's as clear as daylight". Kaname sits on his bed and looks at Aido's skirt. Kaname thinks Aido is a girl I'm sure of it. Didnt see anything at all. Even with the microscope didn't see anything.

"Fine, Fine, but for now your a girl. Now go maid. Get me some apple sauces" says Kaname.

"Apple sauces?"

"Did i hesitate."

"No but...why do you want apple sauce" asked Aido

Kaname sighs and shakes his head. Kaname answers "Are you dumd...everyone knows that apple sauce is my happy sauce..Sometimes eat it, sometimes put my big thang in it. Just depends on my mood. Well my mood now is I'm hungry for apple sauce. Get me my apple sauce". Aido looks confussed and nods and walks out the room. Kaname shuts his door then jumps at his bed. Kaname thinks finnally alone. Now I can do that very important thing. Kaname touchs his pants and puts his hand in his pants. Then Kaname pulls a magazine out his pants.

"Finally can read Frisky Cat without anyone seeing" whispers Kaname. Then out of nowhere Kaname's door is slammed open and standing there is Zero. Zero is wearing Yuki's uniform. Kaname stares at Zero and looks at him up and down

"Why are wearing Yuki's uniform?"

"Because you will love me if you see me in her cloths. Also you like guys who wear girl cloths" Zero answers. Kaname shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"Zero...I will never love you...Also yuki is pathetic...Never liked her...so wearing her cloths isn't going to helping you."

Zero eyes widden and Aido walks into the room and hands Kaname the apple sauce. Kaname eats the apple sauce. "Mmmm Apple sauce. Heaven in my mouth". Zero Grabs Kanames Apple sauce then runs out the room. Kaname starts singing baby come back. "Don't worry Kaname. I will get your Apple Sauce!"

"My stomach depends on you" says Kaname. Aido nods and runs out the room chasing after Zero. Zero runs to the basement. Aido chases after him. Zero runs and slams a door open and there's a huge machine in there with a big tube big enough to hold a person in it. Zero puts the apple sauce in the machine and pushs a big red button.

"To late Aido!" Aido runs into the room and the machine starts glowing making extremely loud sounds. Aido stares at the machine then the machine door opens. A person who looks just like Kaname walks out of it. Aido eyes widden and he stares at the Kaname look alike.

"Be hold! Kaname Clone" yelled Zero. Aido thinks Zero has gone nuts. Maybe his happy pills he takes aren't helping it. Kaname Clone looks around the room and then glares at Aido.

"Enemy in the room." Kaname Clone says.

**To Be continued**


	3. Vampire Knight Clone Or No Clones

Third part of my vampire knight story. It's weird still and still very random. enjoy

Zero says "Kaname clone! Destory Him!" Kaname clone stares at Aido and does nothing. Aido raises an eyebrow

"Is it suppose to do something" Aido asked. Zero glares at Kaname clone.

"Kaname clone you are suppose to attack him!" The Kaname clone looks at Zero not caring.

"That's not a him. I don't see any male parts on this one" the Kaname clone says expressionless. Aido jumps up and down filled with anger.

"COME ON! I AM A BOY! YOU ARE JUST BLIND AND DON'T SEE IT! IT'S RIGHT THERE! DO I HAVE TO PULL DOWN MY PANTS AND SHOW YOU MY "Thang!"

"Well I don't see anything. Also you are in a maid outfit. My x-ray vision doesn't see any male parts on you. Though I can see you has an egg/bacon/sasauge/syrup sandwhich for breafast. Your weight makes you a fat lady" Kaname clone says expressionless still. Aidos face reddens with anger. Steam comes out his ears and you see his veins on his head.

"How dare you say I'm fat! Only Kaname, my mom, and are allowed to call me fat! You will pay for this!" Ice goes all around Aido and goes straight towards Kaname clone and zero. Zero jumps on a desk and Kaname clone jumps ontop of a machine

"Fine female. If fighting is what your mind has decided then fighting is what you shall receive" Kaname clone says. The clones eyes start to clone red. They turn completely red and he shoots lazers out its eyes. The lazers go at Aido. Aido dodges it but barely. The lazer chops off some of his hair. Aido looks at his hair then looks at Kaname clone.

"What are you a robot? Clones don't shoot lazers!" Zero laughs evily.

"Well this clone does. Gave the clone super hearing, x-ray vision, lazers, super speed, and extreme flexability."

"So you basically made a robot" Aido says.

"NNNoooooo its a clone. Just has added features to it."

"Thats a robot.."

"Nnnnnnnoooooooooo."

"Yes."

"NO."

"YES YES YES and thats finally! Also why did you give it extreme flexibility?"

"So I can have fun with my clone" Zero says with a grin. Aido thinks um...thats creepy...ew. The Kaname clone looks at the door.

"I hear footsteps." Aido and Zero listen but hear nothing.

"What" both Zero and Aido say? The door to the entrance of the door slams open. Aido and Zero look and its the real Kaname and he looks mad.

"I been waiting for 15 minutes for my apple sauce! Are you trying to kill me? I need my apple sauce! I need something to stick my thang in! Also Im hungry! Whats taking so dang long" Kaname Yells at Aido. The room starts shaking from how loud Kaname yells.

"Sorry Kaname-sama, I'm working on it" Aido says. Kaname then looks at clone and gasp.

"Oh..My..Gosh" Kaname says as his eyes widen.

"I know Kanama-sama. Its horrible!"

"It's...It's" Kaname trys to say the words.

"It's your replacement Kaname" Zero says with an evil grin. Kaname runs up to the clone and puts his hand in its.

"It's beautiful! Looks just like me! Just so perfect! He will be my new lover" Kaname says looking into the clones eyes. Zero's and Aido's mouth drop open.

The Kaname clone smiles and says "Yes. I shall be your new lover." Kaname leans in and kisses the Kaname clone. The Kaname clone kisses back.

"...Kaname is in love with himself..."Zero says.

"Does that mean Kaname is kissing himself?" Aido asks.

"I'm...not sure..."

Zero and Aido look at eachother and shake there heads with disbelief. Aido thinks "And I am inlove with the man who is in love with hiself'." Kaname leans back from the Kaname clone.

"Come on clone. Lets go back to my room." The clone nods and Kaname and the clone walk out the room holding hands.

"Kaname left me for that clone" Aido yells!

"That clone left me for Kaname" Zero screams! Aido and Zero look at eachother.

Aido says "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That I get out of Yuki's uniform and you get out of that maid outfit. Then we go and party and have sugar highs from koolaid" Zero asks?

"Yes but no. We need to kill the clone"

"What?...But it took to much work to create it and now have to kill it...I'm to lazy...I want to party."

"We can party after we kill it" Aido says.

"And how do we do that?"

"You are the one that created it there should be an off switch."

"...Yeah about that...I never created an off switch...It was in the blue prints but I forgot...was to busy watching Regular Show." Aido shakes his head.

"Fine this is what we do. We simplely get the clone to be alone. Then we bag him get baseball bats and beat the crap out of him. Then one of us put our hand in his throat and rip out his spine and still beat crap out of him! Then we burn his body and-" Aido says but Zero rudely inturupts.

"What the heck! No! Thats Mortal Kombat crap. We are not doing that. How about we just Kidnap the clone."

"Aw but I liked my idea alot.."Aido whines.

"I will give you a cookie if you agree with my plan" Zero says.

Aido eyes widen and a huge smile forms on his face and he nods.

"Good then we do it tonight when everyone is asleep" Zero says.

To Be Continued


	4. Vampire Knight Jumping Out The Closet

Vampire knight Jumping out the closet

Zero and Aido are getting changed. Both are dressing in complete black.

"You sure this is a good idea" Aido asks?

"Yes this is a good idea! Kaname ditched you for the clone and the clone ditched me for Kaname. We have to kill the clone." Aido nods and puts a skirt on.

"Why do you have a skirt on?" Aido looks at Zero and Aido grins.

"Well It's cause my butt looks good in a short skirt." Zero shakes his head and sighs.

"You know something. Wish I have a clone like Kaname." Zero gets angry and goes to his closet and pulls put Ichiru.

"I have something better then a clone! I have a twin!" Ichiru gasps for air.

"Freedom! Finally it's been so long" Ichiru says.

"Get back in the closet brother. You been out to long" Zero says and shoves Ichiru back in the closet.

"No! Not back there again" Ichiru shouts.

Zero shuts the closet door and Aido is left in confusion.

"Sorry about that. You ready to go?" Aido nods jumping up and down.

"Yes!" Zero and Aido head out the the room. Zero and Aido try to act like spys and run around the halls of the building. They get to the night dorm and they hide behind a wall. Zero runs into the dorm and charges up the stairs without hesitation. He gets up to Kaname's door and he looks around and Aido is missing.

"Aido…Aido where are you?"

"Down here" Aido says. Zero looks and can not see where Aido is.

"Where?"

"In the trash can." Aido jumps out a trashcan. Zero jumps surprised.

"Why the heck are you in a trash can?"

"I didn't want to be seen so I was in the trashcan when you ran into the dorm."

"I was running so fast no one could see me. But you on the other hand was in a trashcan the whole time. No one notices a walking talking trashcan."

"Shut up Zero." Zero shakes his head and looks at the door.

"The clone and Kaname are in there right now. Probably doing….the birds and the bees" Aido says.

"When we done with them they won't want to do that again." Zero kicks down the door. Aido and Zero eyes widen. Kaname is sitting on the bed eating apple sauce and the clone is on the ground with blood all around him.

"What the heck happened here" Aido and Zero shout. Kaname looks at Zero and Aido.

"Well we were getting it on then it wanted my apple sauce. No one takes my applesauce! Not even me! So I killed him." Aido and Zero stare at the dead clone in confusion.

"He really loves his applesauce" Aido says. Kaname nods eating his applesauce.

"Kaname come with me to my room" Zero says.

"No Zero, I am not having sex with you" Kaname says.

"NO! I mean I have to talk to you!"

"Oh….then my mind is in the gutter…" Zero sighs and walks to his room. Kaname and Aido follow. Kaname , Zero and Aido get to the room.

"Kaname…You Meany head! You killed my clone!"

Kaname stares at Zero with an expressionless face.

"So what? He tried to take my applesauce. He deserved to die. It's in the handbook." Kaname pulls out his hand book and opens it.

"Page 25, no one takes Kaname's applesauce. Punishment will be death." Kaname closes his book.

"Is it really in the handbook?"

"Yep." Aido looks in the handbook.

"He's telling the truth. It's in there" Aido says.

"That's it Zero! I'm coming out the closet" Ichiru shouts. Zero, Aido, and Kaname stare at the closet.

"Wait…So Ichiru is gay" Aido asks? Ichiru jumps out the closet and goes in front of Aido.

"No! I been stuck in that closet for 2 months! Zero wouldn't let me out of there! Also I love someone already!"

"Wait…Ichiru…how you survive in the closet? There's no food or water in there" Zero asks?

"I found Narnia in there. You should know, it is your closet." Aido jumps up and down and runs into the closet.

"Oh my gosh! It's true! Narnia is here! Oh my gosh! I found a bunny! Here bunny bunny bunny."

Then everyone hears screams from the closet.

"NO NO BAD BUNNY! NO BITING! AH EVIL BUNNY" screams Aido. Aido runs out the closer and slams the door shut. Aido is torn up and his black outfit has a lot of rips in it. Zero and Kaname and Ichiru stare at Aido. Aido sits on the ground and holds his knees and rocks back and forth.

"Evil bunnies…evil bunnies" Aido mummers. Everyone decides to ignore Aido.

"By the way Ichiru, you said you love someone. Who do you love" Kaname asks.

"Yuki Cross." Zero's mouth drops open.

"What! But no one likes Yuki! Besides she killed herself" yells Zero.

"What! My love is dead!" Then the door kicks open and Yuki is standing there. Her eyes are falling out and her arms and legs are bent oddly. She looks hideous.

"I am not dead" yells Yuki. Everyone's eyes widen.

"Oh dear gosh! She's a zombie" Yells Zero.

"No dang annoying girl is back from the dead" yells Kaname.

"My love is now ugly" yells Ichiru.

"Wait one second…She hung herself…how her eyes falling out and her legs bend oddly" Zero asks?

"Well I actually didn't die when I hung myself. I somehow survived. Then I saw a chicken and I chased it. It crossed a road and well a car hit me. The dang chicken somehow lives but nnoo I die! And I come back for my revenge. Going to eat your brain" Yells Yuki. Yuki moves towards Zero. Zero grabs Aido and he uses him as a human shield.

"Take him first! Not me!"

**To be continued**


	5. Vampire Knight Bad Disney Bad Zombies

Sorry it took so long x.x been so busy with many things and was having writers block for this story. I but I am back and hopefully everyone enjoys the story still :) Warning randomness, a tiny bit cursing, and weirdness. Please enjoy.

Zero holds Aido, using him as a human sheild.

"Wait I don't want to die! I'm to young and beautiful! Also Kaname-sama has to make me his" Screams Aido. Yuki throws herself at Aido and is ontop of him. Zero steps back and clings to Ichiru. Kaname stands there giggling to hisself for some reason. Aido screams as Yuki slashs at Aido and then everyone hears a gun shot. The bullet from the gun hits Yukis arm and she screams rolling off Aido. Aido crawls away from Yuki. Everyone turns towards the door and Ruka is standing their with a shotgun in her hand.

"Never fear Ruka Souen the zombie killer is here!" Kaname rolls his eyes.

"Oh bother my ex is here" Kaname whispers to hisself. Yuki hisses at Ruka and gets to her feet fast and runs straight towards Ruka. Ruka points the gun straight at Yuki and shots her like crazy. Yuki falls to the ground and dies...well dies again. Zero jumps up and down happy and Aido runs to Zero and joins him

"Yay the Bitch Zombie is dead" They cheer. Then they stop and stare at eachother.

"Wait a second...her death means...we lost our main character to vampire knight!"

Kaname says "...Now the star of Vampire Knight shall be me!"

"No Kaname thats unfair! You need to give the spot light to someone who doesn't have such a big role in the show...like me" says Aido.

"No! Everyone loves the Emo Kid! It's perfect to have me as the main character" yells Zero. Kaname, Zero, and Aido argue about who going to be the main character. Ichiru yells and goes to Yuki's body and crys.

"NO! My one true love...gone...how can I live with my self? I can't go on without her" Ichiru says bawling. Ruka walks to Ichiru and Ichiru looks up and his eyes sparkle.

"Will you be my new love?" Ruka pimp slaps Ichiru.

"Bitch Please, I would never love you. Also How can you love Yuki? She died chasing a crazy chicken! Now instead of jokes about "why the chicken cross the street?" Everyone will say "Why did Yuki cross the street?!"

"But...Yuki had such a kind heart-" Ichiru tried to say but Ruka stopped him.

"Did you know it was an act to get close to Zero and Kaname?! Through the whole anime of Vampire Knight she was like "Oh Kaname! Oh Zero!" She reminds me of Bella from Twilight" Ruka said. Everyones mouth dropped surprised by Ruka's harshness.

"Why are you so mean Ruka" Aido asked? Ruka stepped over Yuki's dead body and stared out the window.

"Few days ago, after I found out Aido confessed his love to Kaname-sama...I found out that Zombies are real. Just like in Resident Evil or High School of The Dead...only way to stop them is to shot them or smash their heads...Yuki was a victum of it. A zombie must of found her before she died from being hit by a car. When you are biten by a zombie you turn into one. The whole Vampire knight manga...Anime...fanfiction...paradys...everything will be destoryed by the Zombies! Their goal is to kill everyone in the Vampire Knight series so everyone will be gone and no one will like it anymore. Maybe they will watch something else instead. We need to stop them before it's to late...That's why I am mean now...I have a mission...To stop these Beast" Ruka says. Everyone stares at eachother not knowing what to say.

"Maybe we can use the Keyblade!" Ichiru yells. Kaname slaps Ichiru.

"Oh my gosh! Is this slap Ichiru day!?

"Actually it is look on the calander" Zero says and holds up on to Ichiru. What Zero says is true.

"Oh..." Ichiru said and Zero slapped him too.

"What the hell man!" Everyone laughs at at Ichiru and his face turns red.

"This is unfair for me! All I said was that we should use the Keyblade!" Kaname shakes his head.

"It isn't real...disney lied to you...the Keyblade doesn't exsit...but Final Fanasty stuff is real" Says Kaname.

"What! So my man crush Riku doesn't exsit!? Their secret love isn't real!? How can you do this to me disney" Zero yells.

"Well Disney are the one's controling the zombies" Ruka said.

"What!?" Everyone gasps.

"It's true...Disney lied to everyone for reals and doesn't want any other shows to stand in their way...not even Vampire Knight...Disney already took out Death Note, Dragon Ball Z, Bleach, ect...it is taking out Anime shows one by one...they must be stopped."

"I agree! Disney gone to fair now" Aido yells.

"Yay we are going to Disney World" Yells Zero.

"Time to get some of that mickey mouse ass" Kaname yells.

"Right! Lets go" Says Ruka.

To be Continued. Thank you for reading. This was very random. Hope I have made some people laugh :)


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